• Mattye Hargrow

Let's Take It From The Top

When I say life was going according to plan, I mean just that. I was working at a school that I was thriving at. I met some amazing people that became my family. My bank account was sitting pretty, and I had just made the decision that it was time to buy a house. But on April 16th at 4:35, that all changed. It’s a day that I will never forget. It was the day that I found out I was pregnant.

My immediate reaction was not one of the traditional kind. It was the opposite; I have never felt so disappointed in myself. I had such high hopes for myself. In my mind, I was the one who was supposed to get it right. I was supposed to get married and then have a kid. The old saying is, “If you want to see god laugh, tell him your plan.” I had no choice but to tell the one person who I loved the most that I was pregnant: my mom.

I sat on the kitchen table with my eyes filled with tears and the only thing she said to me was “That’s it …” I looked at her so confused. I was so upset, but yet she was so calm. I vividly remember her telling me that she was so proud of everything that I had accomplished in my life. In between all the crying, she managed to call the one person who she felt could get through to me, and that was my best friend. So calm and relaxed, they both got me to see that this was not the end of the world. I eventually told my brothers the news and they made it clear that whatever I decided, they would support.

There was only one more person to tell, and that was my son’s father. Our history is just that: history with a lot of volumes attached. Given the history, a decision had to be made: Have an abortion or be a single mom? No one wakes up and aspires to be a single parent. At least, I didn’t and still don’t. Can you say “stressed”? Can you say “worried”? Can you say “frustrated”? I was all that times 100. We both had our reasons for what we felt was the right choice, but I still couldn’t make my mind up. I was having a tug of war between my flesh and my faith--not a fun spot to be in.

But on Good Friday, with help from my pastor, a decision was made, and it was the best decision to date. It was the day that I decided that I was going to be a mommy. It was the day that it was no longer about my relationship, but about the child I was carrying. I knew from that day it was go time. It was time for me to kick it into high gear. I had to accept the fact that my child’s father was not going to be around and that I was going to be a single momma. So many tears were shed, so many prayers and so many emotions. But the tribe held me down. They were there to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and reassured me that I could do this.

Now that you’re all caught up, buckle your seatbelt and enjoy the ride, because the rest is still unwritten.

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